It is about how to become a woman who commands top dollar for her services. My views are my own and those of the women that I’ve interviewed over the past few years. I guarantee you will be surprised about what I have to say.

An elite escort doesn’t participate in reviews, review boards or hobbyist forms. A successful escort knows that she isn’t going to find her core client on Big Doggie, ASPD or The Erotic Review. She knows that her clientele aren’t individuals who have time to hang out on forums; they are busy people with careers and hobbies. She doesn’t let her encounters become a legal liability or leave her services open for public entertainment.

An elite escort provides experiences, not services. She knows that the men/women that are her clients engage her chose to do so because she fits into their lifestyle. She’s fulfilling a need that her client has, and it’s not just related to sexual release. She may be surrogate wife to a man who’s lost his wife to cancer or a companion to someone that most women in society wouldn’t date because of physical disability/disfigurement.

An elite escort has another career. Yes, successful a escort has another career or are in school working towards her future career goals. She knows that she can’t be and doesn’t want to be in the adult industry for the next five, ten or fifteen years. Having another career sets boundaries and helps reinforce the value set on her time. She knows that she is okay having a two, three or four hour minimum because her basic living expenses are covered by another source.

An elite escort sets boundaries and standards. An successful escort has a minimum amount of time that she spends with a client. She doesn’t have 15, 30, 60 or 90-minute rates. An elite escort needs to have a THREE to FOUR hour minimum. If the time with her is about creating an experience and having a positive encounter then she needs time. Connection and passion can’t realistically be accomplished in less time. And even then, that is an introduction.

An elite escort has a balanced life. She doesn’t live a breathe sex work. She has outside interests and things that occupy her time. She isn’t immersed in the adult industry. She doesn’t spend hours of day posting ads, constantly checking her escort persona’s email or checking her phone. She regulates time allotted to her business; otherwise, she reads, travels, spends time with friend/family and nurtures herself regularly.

An elite escort values her time and worth. It’s hard to put a value on “time” with a companion. But here’s how a simple way to figure it out:

What is the minimum you want per hour? $200. Now multiply that times three. $200 x 3 =$600. You’ve just established your hourly rate.  Next, what is the minimum amount of time you would want to spend with someone? 4 hours? So $600 x 4 = $2400. That is the rate for a date with you: $2400.

Why? Because an elite escort values her time and herself. Clients are relationships that take emotional investment.  So if a woman has to see 5-15 relationships (or more) every week, she becomes emotionally overwhelmed and has no time for her needs. Setting higher rates makes the work more satisfying and eliminates the needs to make up the same amount in volume. One date a week or every two weeks at $2400 is better than 12 one-hour appointments at $200 per hour.

An elite escort is business savvy. I’ve written about paying for advertising, investing in professional photography, professional websites (if you so require one) and taking an emotional hiatus when you are overwhelmed ; none of that has changed. What you invest, the image you convey and the value you put on your business will draw the clientele you want.

Breaking into The Adult Marketing & Web Development Business - Updated 10/05/2009

Recently, I’ve received a lot of questions about delving into the adult marketing via Twitter and Facebook; the questions I am asked most are:

1. Is there good money in it?
2. Is it hard to do?
3. What do you do?
4. How do you develop a clientele?

The simple answers are:

1. There can be, if you do it correctly, it’s just like any business.
2. Yes, it is hard to do. Just like any business
3. I do the same thing you do for mainstream clients.
4. You develop clientele just like you do any business.

These questions are just the icing on the cake, what “inquiring marketing minds” actually pondering and asking is how to penetrate the adult industry and creating a successful business. They want to know if it can it worth the time and effort. Well, guess what? Any smart, determined marketer or developer can create a successful adult business, but they have to have a strategic plan to do so.

Here are my tips for deciding if you should start an adult marketing company:

Tip #1: Don’t approach the adult industry like it’s some secret Illuminati society that must be infiltrated. There are multiple ways to enter it: networking, emailing, trade shows, etc. It’s the same as any industry; it takes time and a targeted, strategic approach. Pick on that is most comfortable for you and go from there. For you online types, my next suggestion in perfect!

Tip #2: Set up an alternate Twitter nd start following adult entertainers, designers and other professionals that look interesting (@AudaciaRay, @VictoriaLane, @DarkGracie, @MasterRobyn, @Mindchaotica, @KimberleeCline and @PBVixen are a must). Start reading blogs, looking at web sites, check links and slowly start to comment. Just like it takes a website about six months to fully integrate into the Google sandbox and be allowed to play, it is the same for any new person in the adult scene. When you find something that tickles your fancy, proceed to Tip #3!

Insider Tip #3: Find something interesting? Go Google the crap out the thing that made you go – “OH!” and start studying it. Need inspiration? Check my side links, I put the stuff I really like there. Find a niche that works for you and start there, then grow.

Twitter Basics

• Open a twitter account and use Twitter Search to see what people are saying about your name, your competitor’s names and key words that relate to your industry.
• Make sure you have a photo - no one wants to follow a faceless person, it shows LAZINESS.
• Dialog and interact, don’t just spam the crap out of your followers and with blog postings. Engage in meaningful discussions and funny comments.
• Talk about things in your industry. No, I don’t care what dildo was up Tera’s ass, talk about trends and new media outlets, etc. Also comment on industries that might be complimentary to what you are doing.
• No pushing and shoving. Again, don’t blast your content, photos and videos all the time. You will lose followers.
• Be Human and talk about YOU. People like knowing about people.

What to Tweet About

• Write about what you are currently involved in, reading or find engaging. Again, people like humanity and personality.
• If you own and adult related site, have your talent tweeting. Get them blackberries and iphones, let them tweet about their lives and things going on with them. Leverage your employees to drive traffic to your site. Share the human side of your company. If you’re bothering to tweet, it means you believe social media has value for human connections.
• Ask questions about direction, marketing or content. Twitter is GREAT for getting opinions.
• Follow interesting people. If you find someone who tweets interesting things, see who she follows, and follow her.

Tweeting Etiquette

• You don’t have to reply to every @ tweet directed to you (try to reply to some, but don’t feel guilty).
• Use direct messages for 1-to-1 conversations if you feel there’s no value to Twitter at large to hear the conversation. No one cares about your dog and cat.
• Use Tweetdeck and Twhirl to manage Twitter.
• Shorten URLS with TinyURL .
• If someone doesn’t like what you say, they can unfollow you. Let them go, they are replaced by three who love you.
• Commenting on others’ tweets, and retweeting what others have posted is a great way to build community.

Twitter Pros & Cons

• Twitter takes up time. - Please! You can engage in twitter as much, or not as much, as you like.
• Twitter takes you away from other productive work. I have made some of my best business deals because of Twitter - making money and growing is productive!
• There are other ways to do this. Yes, but PLURK sucks!
• Twitter doesn’t apply to the adult industry. Twitter’s only a few million people (only). And you know what, they buy sex toys, see videos, are interested in mainstream marketing, etc.
• Twitter doesn’t replace direct email marketing. Ummm - Twitter is real time. If you send out one adult related link to a file or video, it will be downloaded 20,000 times in ONE DAY. Put that out to millions who may have not seen it and ummm - get where I am going? But make sure it’s somewhat tasteful.
• Twitter opens you up to more criticism and griping. If you hear what is wrong, you can avoid making those mistakes! Or you can discover how wrong they are and realize what you are doing is right. If you are using Twitter to only promote prostitution and trying to drive sales to your pay site, you are going to fail. Twitter should be used to ENLIGHTEN, SHARE & ENGAGE. Not just with mainstream audiences, but with other adult personalities. The adult industry can be lonely & isolating place.
• Twitter breaks news faster than other sources, often (especially if the news impacts online denizens).- Damn skippy. It’s a viral as viral can get.
• Twitter brings great minds together, and gives you daily opportunities to learn (if you look for it, and/or if you follow the right folks). My twitter is a mix of adult, mainstream adult and mainstream marketers, mixed in with people I just like. I get all kinds of info and ideas from comparing opinions and trends. Twitter is instant market research.
• Twitter helps with business development, if your prospects are online (mine are). I have monetized Twitter for my writing and marketing services. I’ve also used it to connect with other adult business ventures. It’s been successful. But again, it’s for the right reasons, not simply to make a quick buck or as a tool in black hat SEO techniques.

Sites I Have Found On Twitter I Love

1. http://www.beautifulrebecca.com/
2. http://www.melissagira.com
3. http://wakingvixen.com
4. http://dolorem.com
5. http://omgomgomfg.com

“Did you know that 71 percent of guys would rather have great sex occasionally than not-so-hot sex all the time?” Simone asked me, paging through the February issue of Cosmopolitan.

“Let me see that,” I said, reaching out and scanning the cover of the magazine. “I’m writing an article about how to improve our sex lives.”

Simone turned a page, “well, if anyone can write that, it’s you.”

“Actually…” I started, but I trailed off. The truth is that I need a guide more than anyone.

“I have a theory that the longer we’re exposed to a stimulus, the higher the tolerance, and the less able said stimulus is to engender the effect it once did,” I said, lighting a cigarette.

Simone looked at me for a moment, then smiled, “what?”

In preparation for this piece I did a little crowdsourcing on Twitter, asking over the course of several weeks what people thought was an essential component to good sex. The answer, seven times out of ten was: intimacy.

“Really?” I asked myself over and over as the direct messages and e-mails poured in. It just didn’t jive.

“When I think about dynamite sex, I don’t think about intimacy,” I told my friend Sugar during one of our late night discussions on the phone. “Am I stunted? Do you think about it?”

“Hell no,” she replied. “I just want to be thrown against a wall and devoured.”

BE DESIRED

Sugar and I are in line with Marta Meana, a professor of psychology at the University of Nevada at Las Vegas and who has been studying sexology since the 1990s. Meana also disagrees intimacy is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

In a piece on the New York Times Magazine by Daniel Bergner, author of The Other Side of Desire, Meana emphasizes the role of being desired and the inherent narcissism in women’s sexuality, which she has gleaned from her laboratory and qualitative research, as well as her clinical work. Desire, she concludes, has “little to do with building better relationships,” or with fostering communication between partners.

“Female desire is not governed by the relational factors that, we like to think, rule women’s sexuality as opposed to men’s,” Meana told Bergner. “Really, women’s desire is not relational, it’s narcissistic.”

She is basically saying that women’s desire is dominated by the wish to be the object of erotic admiration and sexual need. That’s not to say women don’t want closeness and longevity—they do. But according to Meana, to imagine that these things are the catalysts of desire is incorrect.

“It’s wrong to think that because relationships are what women choose they’re the primary source of women’s desire,” Meana said. For women, “being desired is the orgasm.”

“How do you make yourself desired?” I asked my friends the following night over drinks at The Standard Downtown.

“Can I tell you?” my friend Tess asked, leaning in. “I like to dress up like a hooker and walk by construction sites. Instant desire.”

“Ew!” Sabrina exclaimed, laughing. “Girl, you’re a freak.”

“What? You leave your windows open when you change in case your hot neighbor is home!”

“Mmm,” Sabrina said. “He’s so hot.”

“Does he watch you?” I asked.

“Sometimes.”

“I like to dress myself in the sluttiest lingerie when no one is home,” I confessed. “There’s stuff I have that my husband has never even seen—not because he wouldn’t like it, but because it’s for me. I wear these things while I work. I love taking a client’s call in nothing but garters, a hat and stilettos.”

“Does desire require an audience?” Sabrina mused.

“You can be your own audience,” Tess said. “And if not, there’s always the internet.”

DO SOME RESEARCH

The next day, I contacted the one woman whom I knew would have something to say about sex: Viviane Tang, of Viviane’s Sex Carnival.

“Read, read, read,” she wrote me in her e-mail response. “When I was getting back into the dating game after being married, I read up. I think people assume there’s a basic level of sexual knowledge—there’s not. I was encouraged by a 60-year-old reader who told me she learned how to roll a condom by reading my site.”

Tang suggested the minds at the forefront of sex: Violet Blue, Susie Bright, Cory Silverberg, and Ducky Doolittle. As well as the blogs Sugasm, Sexoteri’sc blog news, and Pleasurists.

She’s right. Before you can get what you want, you have to understand what it is that you want. Her comment that we tend to assume there is a basic knowledge of sex is dead on—the same is true for what we desire. I didn’t know the extent of what I wanted sexually, for example, until I read The Story of O for a second time—a second time!

SEXIFY YOUR SURROUNDINGS

“Create the right environment,” a male friend told me when I asked him for sex tips. “Candles, petals, run a bath.”

“Are you serious?” I asked him. “You have no idea how many movies I’ve seen where a house catches fire from the candles during a sexy scene. I can’t think of anything less brilliant—unless you’re minding the candle, say, using it for wax play. But petals and a bath? I don’t know. To each his own, I guess.”

That’s the key thing. There is no real way of knowing what will work for you in terms of creating a sexy environment. For me, a sexy environment is a cheap motel—the seedier, the better. Extra points if it’s in a really raunchy town.

But hey, that’s just me.

“For me, there is no better place than my own bed,” my friend Lisa told me when we met for coffee that day. “With everything that I need right where I can find it. I have a four poster that doubles as a sex playground with a few ropes and a set of handcuffs.”

“Furniture,” Tang had mentioned to me, is essential. “Try the Tantra Chair.”

The Tantra Chair is a multi-purpose piece of furniture designed to fit seamlessly into any décor. Its arc is designed to enable a variety of positions while providing a support system that enables control over the depth and angle of penetration during sex. And you can use it for yoga, too!

“That is SO epically hot!” my friend Atherton told me when I showed him the Tantra Chair.

“Of course, there is something to be said, too, for the sex that happens randomly in other parts of the house not intended at all for such couplings,” I replied. “Like the kitchen counter.”

“Or even outside the house,” Atherton remarked.

AU NATUREL

“We were leaving the club when she looked at me and then toward the beach,” my friend Brad told me one afternoon on the phone. “I knew what she was thinking. The beach was deserted. They have these little swan boats you can take out around the lagoon, right, so I untied one and we got in and started making our way out.”

Before Brad and I were good friends, we were lovers. That didn’t work out at all and for a long time, we didn’t speak a word to one another. I might even describe the situation as hostile. Eventually, however, we found our way back and remembered what it was that had attracted us in the first place: how much we had in common and how easy it was to talk.

“She starts going down on me,” he went on with his story. “And next thing you know, I’ve bent her over in this swan and I’m going at it, doggy style, right there in the middle of the lagoon.”

“Oh my god,” I replied. “I’m so jealous, I could just die. That sounds positively amazing.”

“But I didn’t just call to brag,” he said after he disclosed every delectable detail. “Afterward, I’m securing the boat again and, the worst thing ever! I mean, EVER: I stepped on a goddamn sea urchin! Can you believe it?”

Moral of the story: Be adventurous in where and how you have your sex. Follow hunches and explore unchartered territory. But keep potential dangers in mind and exercise caution. Or at least keep a properly stocked first aid kit in your car.

THE OTHER PLEASURE POINTS

“Anal sex, hands down,” my friend Callie declared at a New Year’s party some weeks ago. “Pick up Tristan Taormino’s The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women and give anal sex a try.”

A rudimentary, completely unscientific survey of the women I know later showed many of them had either not experimented with anal sex or had tried it once and crossed it off.

“Did you know—my yoga instructor told me—the anus has a hundred times more sensory receptors than the vagina?”

“I had no idea,” I responded, lighting a cigarette and adding with a cheeky grin. “I’ve felt it, but didn’t realize it.”

Anal sex is a tricky beast, much like the initial taming of the g-spot. The key to learning to love it is relaxing the muscles.

“I was with a man once,” my friend Lisa told me when we had our coffee recently. “I was cockwhipped. He would message me at the weirdest hours and ask me to do the weirdest things.”

“Did you do them?” I asked her.

“Yes!” she exclaimed. “Last year, I had to go to New York and he wanted to see me. When I told him I couldn’t, he asked that…”

“What?”

She picked up her phone. “Let me find it.”

I sipped my coffee.

“Thank God for technology,” she said, pushing some buttons. “OK: ‘Upon your arrival, you have one week to hang yourself using a belt. First, you are to strip naked and insert a smooth object at least one centimeter in diameter into your ass. Use a door to hold you up, with the belt around your wrists. Hang from it thus without letting your shoulders or knees give way, for an hour, suffering the contractions of your muscles as you sway, not too much or too little, for an hour. Delight in the embodiment of my pain.’”

“Oh. My. God.” I said. “Where do you find these people?”

“Jealous?” she asked, laughing.

“I’m not sure if I’m jealous or terrified or both or just totally aroused,” I confessed. “Did you do it?”

“Are you crazy?” she asked. “Of course I did! And until then, I’d never really been into anal sex. So I bought—you’re going to laugh—blush brushes. They sell them in kits in all kinds of different sizes. So that afternoon, I started with some oil and the smallest brush and slowly worked my way up to a big one.”

“One centimeter.”

“A bit bigger,” she said with a mischievous grin. “Quite a bit.”

“Overachiever.”

FOUND OBJECTS

Lisa isn’t the only one who was using objects meant for other purposes to achieve her sexual ends. When I asked my editor at Black Heart Magazine, a web publication that pairs intellect and smut, her first piece of advice was to open my mind to the sexual possibility of everything.

“The Dollar Store is a wonderland for anyone with a dirty mind!” she told me.

“I didn’t realize the Dollar Store sold sex toys,” I commented. I’ve never been to one, I realized. What am I missing?

“Dollar Stores tend not to have sex toys, per se,” she explained, a little amazed I didn’t get it. “But dirty minds can definitely find paddles, rope, chains, nipple clamps to re-purpose.”

Interesting!

“What is the strangest non-sexual object you have turned into a toy?” I asked my friend Atherton immediately via IM.

“A 9mm Glock.”

I almost spit out my coffee. “Are you serious?”

“It was with Blaine, after a day at the range with my father and his,” he recounted. “They were down in my father’s study, drinking. Blaine disengaged the cartridge of one of our Glocks and fucked me with it.”

“I can’t think of anything that tops that,” I admitted. “Am I boring? I’ve had a variation of the Jackrabbit since I was a teenager. Maybe I’m just pampered and lazy.”

“YOU?” he asked, aghast. “YOU BORING? Dude, you’ve had your tits beat up. That’s at least on a par with fucking a Glock.”

MAP YOUR WANTS

While doing research for an article about oversharing sex, I happened upon the map of human sexuality by Franklin Veaux, a depiction of a landmass featuring a variety of human desires, from the common, to the downright freaky, as cities.

Looking over it, I wondered where I “lived” and “frequented” on that bizarre continent, so I called up Atherton and together, we spent the entire morning coloring in our maps. We tweeted so much about it, that many of our followers on Twitter asked for a blank copy for them to fill out themselves.

That whole day was spent discussing, quite openly, the things we desired in sex. It occurred to me to have my husband fill one out as well.

I sat him down that night and we went through the list. We kept going down the list. Dogging, tickling, speaking foreign languages, showering together, exercising, dancing, ass play, commercial sex, hentai, sex machines, prodommes, erotic asphyxiation, peep shows, multiple penetration, strippers, bukkake, talking dirty, anonymous hook-ups…

I looked at the finished product. We lived on different planets.

“Is it bad?” he asked.

“Kind of.” I showed him.

You can’t very well teach someone to love to beat you if that’s just not what they’re into. But as Viviane Tang told me, sex isn’t something we know all about at birth. It’s possible that some of the things we end up loving are things we never knew existed until we bumped into someone who liked them and helped us open our minds enough to give them a shot.

Graphing out what you and your partner want can be a bonding experience, as well as an interesting way of learning their inner workings, and maybe sparking some interest in terms of trying out new things neither of you had previously considered.

DON’T HAVE SEX

Lisa still can’t get enough of Mr. Smith, a guy she hooked up with randomly and with whom she spent a night talking dirty and making out.

“We didn’t have sex,” she recounted for the 18,000th time. “We just kissed. Like in high school. Remember that? Just kissing? I used to think women who talked about the perfect kiss were so boring. But no, there is a power in kissing. Something impossible to quantify. It can be one of the most erotic things.”

Victoria Zdrok, the resident love and sex columnist at Penthouse Magazine agrees.

“Kissing has numerous benefits,” she writes in 40 Steps to Great Sex, a recent piece at Penthouse. “From increasing saliva production, which improves your oral health, to turning on you and your partner.”

“I would never imagine that your contribution to my sex tips article would be to not have sex,” I said to Lisa.

“It’s like that game—did you ever play it? Where you held your hand over a lover’s naked body and see how long you could stand it without touching them?”

“Oh, yes!” I exclaimed. “God, I love that.”

“There is something in the denial of immediate satisfaction. They’re there and they want you, but you’re not going to indulge, not yet. It’s a part of the dance.”

“God, I wish we had time for that kind of stuff nowadays,” I said sadly.

PRIORITIZE

“Make sex a priority,” Zdrok writes in her 40 Steps to Great Sex. “Set a sex date, if necessary, because in our crazy-busy schedules, sex often gets put on a back burner.”

She’s right.

“Often we get so consumed with life, we leave sex out,” Tess told me over drinks the night we spent talking at the Standard. “We think we can just make that call at 3AM and get our fill, but it doesn’t work that way. Most of the time we have had a grueling workday and we know we’re going right back into the office the next morning. What kind of sex can you have like that?”

“My husband calls it ‘the lazy fuck,’” Sabrina said.

“Like in the Ars Amatoria?” I asked. “On the side, barely moving?”

“That’s in Ars Amatoria?” she laughed. “Damn you Ovid! I can’t stand the lazy fuck. I think it’s an assault on everything that is sensuality. It has to be the most boring, soul-crushing type of encounter.”

“It has its place,” I said, smiling to myself.

“Maybe if you’re at your in-laws for a family reunion, sharing a room with your sister-in-law and her husband and don’t want anyone to notice!” Sabrina yelled. “No! I hate the lazy fuck. I hate hate hate it! My husband wants to do nothing else. ‘I’m tired,’ he says. I’m like, ‘what? Do I need to schedule sex now?’ It’s annoying!”

“Maybe we do,” I said. “Maybe we need to schedule sex.”

“Ugh,” Tess sighed. “Who wants to schedule sex? Shouldn’t it just happen?”

“Yes,” I said. “But until we learn to give it the importance it deserves in the busy schedule of our lives, maybe we do need get in the habit of penciling it in and keeping our appointment.”

Sabrina took out a lip liner from her purse and pulled out her planner.

“SEX,” she wrote in giant letters across the lunch slot of the next day.

“There, see?” Sabrina asked. “I just made a commitment to have a nooner tomorrow.”

“The timeless question,” Tess said, laighing. “Food or sex?”

“Honey, this is the United States of America,” Sabrina said, her English accent stronger than usual. “We get to have both food and sex!”

LIVE IT, DON’T LIVE THROUGH IT

“Think of the last time food transported you,” Anthony Bourdain writes in his 2001 novel A Cook’s Tour. “Your first taste of champagne on a woman’s lips… steak frites when you were in Paris as a teenager with a Eurorail pass, you’d blown almost all your dough on hash in Amsterdam, and this slightly chewy slab of rumsteck (rump steak) was the first substantial meal in days… a single wild strawberry, so flavorful that it nearly took your head off… your grandmother’s lasagne… a first sip of stolen ice cold beer on a hot summer night, hands smelling of crushed fireflies… left over pork fried rice, because your girlfriend at the time always seemed to have some in the fridge… steamer clams, dripping with drawn butter from your first family vacation at the Jersey shore… rice pudding from the Fort Dee Diner… bad Cantonese when you were a kid and Chinese was still exotic and wonderful and you still thought fortune cookies were fun… dirty water hot dogs… a few beads of caviar licked off a nipple…”

A few beads of caviar licked off a nipple. What a simple, gorgeous celebration of touch and taste. The idea stopped me cold the first time I read it.

We stand at the edge of our senses, waiting for the sets of data to come in: hot or cold? Pleasure or pain? Nice or mean? Red or green? Too spicy? Too loud? Too big? Too slow! Hungry! Tired! When was the last time we stopped and touched something and focused on the brush against our fingertips? When was the last time we turned off the constant background noise of our iPods and pressed down on a piano key to hear the clarity of a single note? When was the last time we paused briefly before putting that snack in our mouths and committed ourselves to savoring the marriage of flavors in a bite?

When was the last time you had sex for the sake of your senses? No, think about this. I am not talking about orgasm. I am not even talking about pleasure in and of itself. I am talking about using every given sense receptor, focusing your energy on it and really, truly experiencing what that sense tells you, not just whether it feels good or not, harder, baby, harder, deeper, deeper, faster, faster, oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

No.

I mean: when was the time you lived your sensory data?

You don’t need to awaken your senses. They were never sleeping. You just have to pay attention. The next time you eat, let your taste buds overwhelm you, let your mouth feel the texture of what’s inside it. The next time you hear a song, let the notes carry you. The next time you kiss, let your mouth become your hands. The next time you have sex, let yourself become the skin throbbing inside you or wrapping around you.

Open up. Living through things isn’t the same as living those things.

- Callie

Taking heels to crazy new heights for Spring 2009, these dangerous designer shoes were enough to make models stumble and fall on the runways. Walking in designer shoes is a catwalk model’s forte, so what hope do humble fashionistas have maintaining their dignity in them?

Designers from Dolce & Gabbana to Dior and Pucci to Prada all got in on the daunting killer heel action this season. If you have fallen in love with a pair, and you are brave enough to step out in one of these precarious looking pieces of footwear, perhaps you should consider finding a way to incorporate knee pads into your outfit–just to be on the safe side.

Via: nymag

Want to read more?

• Killer High Heels
• Angry Heels

According to Trend Hunter: Victoria Beckham has killed her bunions without surgery. Need proof? Take a look at these fetish shoes Victoria Beckham was wearing. They are Christian Louboutin for Rodarte heels, and the closeup reveals the unsightly lumps from each side of her foot are gone.

And you know there is a video:

I still see bunions…but I also see some great fetish inspired shoes that I am dying to own.

The illustrious Inez Lewis played a photographic role in this movie.

When Albert Stockwell comes home from work one day he finds a note from his wife of 15 years, Nancy, saying she has gone to see friends. It is a lie.

After waiting several days, Albert realizes that his wife is missing. Nancy has met her salvation on the Internet in the form of Louis Farley. Louis’s life, like Nancy’s, has become a twisted quest for redemption via smutty chat rooms and alternative websites. Both wounded and alone, Nancy and Louis take comfort in one another through email, pictures and promises.

With Louis, Nancy goes to a different place, one of liberation and fulfillment. It’s a location where pain is pleasure and where the end is the beginning. While she pursues the freedom that she feels will only come with ultimate liberation, Albert is left to put the pieces together and try to salvage what is left.

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Reading others’ blogs a form of voyeurism.

While in a voyeuristic mood over the weekend, I trasped over to The Coveted and found a post that tickled my fancy about 1940s Lace Up corsets. Oh Jeanine, these are divine.

In My Bed Magazine launched issue #4 today.  In it (pages 41-44) is my first public, candid article about one night stands and my perceptions of what they are and are not.

What I Believe: One nights stands have been quick and dirty experiences meant for instant gratification, they’ve always been love affairs that I cherish, carry with me and spend melancholy Sunday mornings reminiscing about the touch and caress of my lovers.

Visit In My Bed To Get The Full Article.

• Ever had a one-night stand?
• What do you remember about it?
• Was it a hot, steamy night spent with someone who was relatively a stranger?
• Did that romp appease the itch that needed to be scratched?
• Was it memorable or was it forgettable?

Also Be Sure To Check Out Emma Z’s, Where In The Night I Stand on p. 45.

Elle n‘est qu‘un nom.
Elle est celle que j‘aurai pu être.
Celle qui danse dans ma tête lorsqu‘à l‘exterieur rien ne bouge.
Elle est cette partie de moi qui crache les mots sur le papier, quand
je les chiffonne et les déchire.
Elle est une porte ouverte, ici et là au gré de mes envies.

I noticed this trend at the start of 2008; Chanel’s footwear and stocking ads in Vogue, W and Bazaar caught my attention. I thought to myself, “This is foot fetish that men pay for,” being brought to the mainstream masses for free in the glossy pages of haute couture magazines. So for 2009, more couture brands and upscale indie fashion designers are bringing Kink mainstream with bondage & fetish-inspired dresses, shoes and accessories.

I am elated to see it. I shows that mainstream society no longer equates BDSM with pornography and is finally recognizing Fetish as an art form that pays homage to alternative creativity and sexuality.

Fashionising.com, a fantastic blog written by Tania Baukamper, discusses the trend more in-depth and how it is translates in to 2009 trendsetters’  (Rihanna & Victoria Beckham) personal styles.

My next hope is that designers such as Chanel, Christian Louboutin, Givechy & Thakoon take it a step further and ditch the traditional runway models and feature of Fetish industry professionals in their advertising campaigns.

My suggestions: Model -  Kumi Monster Photographers - Steven Diet Goedde or Christine Kessler.

Photos: Kumi Monster in Atsuko Kudo & Fashionising.com.