Don’t assume from the post that this is a snotty write up on how to be a high dollar escort (aka stuck up woman who thinks she better than others),  it’s not.

It is about how to become a woman who commands top dollar for her services. My views are my own and those of the women that I’ve interviewed over the past few years. I guarantee you will be surprised about what I have to say.

An elite escort doesn’t participate in reviews, review boards or hobbyist forms. A successful escort knows that she isn’t going to find her core client on Big Doggie, ASPD or The Erotic Review. She knows that her clientele aren’t individuals who have time to hang out on forums; they are busy people with careers and hobbies. She doesn’t let her encounters become a legal liability or leave her services open for public entertainment.

An elite escort provides experiences, not services. She knows that the men/women that are her clients engage her chose to do so because she fits into their lifestyle. She’s fulfilling a need that her client has, and it’s not just related to sexual release. She may be surrogate wife to a man who’s lost his wife to cancer or a companion to someone that most women in society wouldn’t date because of physical disability/disfigurement.

An elite escort has another career. Yes, successful a escort has another career or are in school working towards her future career goals. She knows that she can’t be and doesn’t want to be in the adult industry for the next five, ten or fifteen years. Having another career sets boundaries and helps reinforce the value set on her time. She knows that she is okay having a two, three or four hour minimum because her basic living expenses are covered by another source.

An elite escort sets boundaries and standards. An successful escort has a minimum amount of time that she spends with a client. She doesn’t have 15, 30, 60 or 90-minute rates. An elite escort needs to have a THREE to FOUR hour minimum. If the time with her is about creating an experience and having a positive encounter then she needs time. Connection and passion can’t realistically be accomplished in less time. And even then, that is an introduction.

An elite escort has a balanced life. She doesn’t live a breathe sex work. She has outside interests and things that occupy her time. She isn’t immersed in the adult industry. She doesn’t spend hours of day posting ads, constantly checking her escort persona’s email or checking her phone. She regulates time allotted to her business; otherwise, she reads, travels, spends time with friend/family and nurtures herself regularly.

An elite escort values her time and worth. It’s hard to put a value on “time” with a companion. But here’s how a simple way to figure it out:

What is the minimum you want per hour? $200. Now multiply that times three. $200 x 3 =$600. You’ve just established your hourly rate.  Next, what is the minimum amount of time you would want to spend with someone? 4 hours? So $600 x 4 = $2400. That is the rate for a date with you: $2400.

Why? Because an elite escort values her time and herself. Clients are relationships that take emotional investment.  So if a woman has to see 5-15 relationships (or more) every week, she becomes emotionally overwhelmed and has no time for her needs. Setting higher rates makes the work more satisfying and eliminates the needs to make up the same amount in volume. One date a week or every two weeks at $2400 is better than 12 one-hour appointments at $200 per hour.

An elite escort is business savvy. I’ve written about paying for advertising, investing in professional photography, professional websites (if you so require one) and taking an emotional hiatus when you are overwhelmed ; none of that has changed. What you invest, the image you convey and the value you put on your business will draw the clientele you want.

Breaking into The Adult Marketing & Web Development Business - Updated 10/05/2009

Recently, I’ve received a lot of questions about delving into the adult marketing via Twitter and Facebook; the questions I am asked most are:

1. Is there good money in it?
2. Is it hard to do?
3. What do you do?
4. How do you develop a clientele?

The simple answers are:

1. There can be, if you do it correctly, it’s just like any business.
2. Yes, it is hard to do. Just like any business
3. I do the same thing you do for mainstream clients.
4. You develop clientele just like you do any business.

These questions are just the icing on the cake, what “inquiring marketing minds” actually pondering and asking is how to penetrate the adult industry and creating a successful business. They want to know if it can it worth the time and effort. Well, guess what? Any smart, determined marketer or developer can create a successful adult business, but they have to have a strategic plan to do so.

Here are my tips for deciding if you should start an adult marketing company:

Tip #1: Don’t approach the adult industry like it’s some secret Illuminati society that must be infiltrated. There are multiple ways to enter it: networking, emailing, trade shows, etc. It’s the same as any industry; it takes time and a targeted, strategic approach. Pick on that is most comfortable for you and go from there. For you online types, my next suggestion in perfect!

Tip #2: Set up an alternate Twitter nd start following adult entertainers, designers and other professionals that look interesting (@AudaciaRay, @VictoriaLane, @DarkGracie, @MasterRobyn, @Mindchaotica, @KimberleeCline and @PBVixen are a must). Start reading blogs, looking at web sites, check links and slowly start to comment. Just like it takes a website about six months to fully integrate into the Google sandbox and be allowed to play, it is the same for any new person in the adult scene. When you find something that tickles your fancy, proceed to Tip #3!

Insider Tip #3: Find something interesting? Go Google the crap out the thing that made you go – “OH!” and start studying it. Need inspiration? Check my side links, I put the stuff I really like there. Find a niche that works for you and start there, then grow.

Chris Brogan wrote an article on “50 Ways To Use Twitter For Business“, But it got me thinking, what are best uses of Twitter for adult business and who should adult business tweeters connect with?

Twitter Basics

• Open a twitter account and use Twitter Search to see what people are saying about your name, your competitor’s names and key words that relate to your industry.
• Make sure you have a photo - no one wants to follow a faceless person, it shows LAZINESS.
• Dialog and interact, don’t just spam the crap out of your followers and with blog postings. Engage in meaningful discussions and funny comments.
• Talk about things in your industry. No, I don’t care what dildo was up Tera’s ass, talk about trends and new media outlets, etc. Also comment on industries that might be complimentary to what you are doing.
• No pushing and shoving. Again, don’t blast your content, photos and videos all the time. You will lose followers.
• Be Human and talk about YOU. People like knowing about people.

What to Tweet About

• Write about what you are currently involved in, reading or find engaging. Again, people like humanity and personality.
• If you own and adult related site, have your talent tweeting. Get them blackberries and iphones, let them tweet about their lives and things going on with them. Leverage your employees to drive traffic to your site. Share the human side of your company. If you’re bothering to tweet, it means you believe social media has value for human connections.
• Ask questions about direction, marketing or content. Twitter is GREAT for getting opinions.
• Follow interesting people. If you find someone who tweets interesting things, see who she follows, and follow her.

Tweeting Etiquette

• You don’t have to reply to every @ tweet directed to you (try to reply to some, but don’t feel guilty).
• Use direct messages for 1-to-1 conversations if you feel there’s no value to Twitter at large to hear the conversation. No one cares about your dog and cat.
• Use Tweetdeck and Twhirl to manage Twitter.
• Shorten URLS with TinyURL .
• If someone doesn’t like what you say, they can unfollow you. Let them go, they are replaced by three who love you.
• Commenting on others’ tweets, and retweeting what others have posted is a great way to build community.

Twitter Pros & Cons

• Twitter takes up time. - Please! You can engage in twitter as much, or not as much, as you like.
• Twitter takes you away from other productive work. I have made some of my best business deals because of Twitter - making money and growing is productive!
• There are other ways to do this. Yes, but PLURK sucks!
• Twitter doesn’t apply to the adult industry. Twitter’s only a few million people (only). And you know what, they buy sex toys, see videos, are interested in mainstream marketing, etc.
• Twitter doesn’t replace direct email marketing. Ummm - Twitter is real time. If you send out one adult related link to a file or video, it will be downloaded 20,000 times in ONE DAY. Put that out to millions who may have not seen it and ummm - get where I am going? But make sure it’s somewhat tasteful.
• Twitter opens you up to more criticism and griping. If you hear what is wrong, you can avoid making those mistakes! Or you can discover how wrong they are and realize what you are doing is right. If you are using Twitter to only promote prostitution and trying to drive sales to your pay site, you are going to fail. Twitter should be used to ENLIGHTEN, SHARE & ENGAGE. Not just with mainstream audiences, but with other adult personalities. The adult industry can be lonely & isolating place.
• Twitter breaks news faster than other sources, often (especially if the news impacts online denizens).- Damn skippy. It’s a viral as viral can get.
• Twitter brings great minds together, and gives you daily opportunities to learn (if you look for it, and/or if you follow the right folks). My twitter is a mix of adult, mainstream adult and mainstream marketers, mixed in with people I just like. I get all kinds of info and ideas from comparing opinions and trends. Twitter is instant market research.
• Twitter helps with business development, if your prospects are online (mine are). I have monetized Twitter for my writing and marketing services. I’ve also used it to connect with other adult business ventures. It’s been successful. But again, it’s for the right reasons, not simply to make a quick buck or as a tool in black hat SEO techniques.

Sites I Have Found On Twitter I Love

1. http://www.beautifulrebecca.com/
2. http://www.melissagira.com
3. http://wakingvixen.com
4. http://dolorem.com
5. http://omgomgomfg.com

Guest Post By AV Flox via BlogHER:

“Did you know that 71 percent of guys would rather have great sex occasionally than not-so-hot sex all the time?” Simone asked me, paging through the February issue of Cosmopolitan.

“Let me see that,” I said, reaching out and scanning the cover of the magazine. “I’m writing an article about how to improve our sex lives.”

Simone turned a page, “well, if anyone can write that, it’s you.”

“Actually…” I started, but I trailed off. The truth is that I need a guide more than anyone.

“I have a theory that the longer we’re exposed to a stimulus, the higher the tolerance, and the less able said stimulus is to engender the effect it once did,” I said, lighting a cigarette.

Simone looked at me for a moment, then smiled, “what?”

In preparation for this piece I did a little crowdsourcing on Twitter, asking over the course of several weeks what people thought was an essential component to good sex. The answer, seven times out of ten was: intimacy.

“Really?” I asked myself over and over as the direct messages and e-mails poured in. It just didn’t jive.

“When I think about dynamite sex, I don’t think about intimacy,” I told my friend Sugar during one of our late night discussions on the phone. “Am I stunted? Do you think about it?”

“Hell no,” she replied. “I just want to be thrown against a wall and devoured.”

BE DESIRED

Sugar and I are in line with Marta Meana, a professor of psychology at the University of Nevada at Las Vegas and who has been studying sexology since the 1990s. Meana also disagrees intimacy is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

In a piece on the New York Times Magazine by Daniel Bergner, author of The Other Side of Desire, Meana emphasizes the role of being desired and the inherent narcissism in women’s sexuality, which she has gleaned from her laboratory and qualitative research, as well as her clinical work. Desire, she concludes, has “little to do with building better relationships,” or with fostering communication between partners.

“Female desire is not governed by the relational factors that, we like to think, rule women’s sexuality as opposed to men’s,” Meana told Bergner. “Really, women’s desire is not relational, it’s narcissistic.”

She is basically saying that women’s desire is dominated by the wish to be the object of erotic admiration and sexual need. That’s not to say women don’t want closeness and longevity—they do. But according to Meana, to imagine that these things are the catalysts of desire is incorrect.

“It’s wrong to think that because relationships are what women choose they’re the primary source of women’s desire,” Meana said. For women, “being desired is the orgasm.”

“How do you make yourself desired?” I asked my friends the following night over drinks at The Standard Downtown.

“Can I tell you?” my friend Tess asked, leaning in. “I like to dress up like a hooker and walk by construction sites. Instant desire.”

“Ew!” Sabrina exclaimed, laughing. “Girl, you’re a freak.”

“What? You leave your windows open when you change in case your hot neighbor is home!”

“Mmm,” Sabrina said. “He’s so hot.”

“Does he watch you?” I asked.

“Sometimes.”

“I like to dress myself in the sluttiest lingerie when no one is home,” I confessed. “There’s stuff I have that my husband has never even seen—not because he wouldn’t like it, but because it’s for me. I wear these things while I work. I love taking a client’s call in nothing but garters, a hat and stilettos.”

“Does desire require an audience?” Sabrina mused.

“You can be your own audience,” Tess said. “And if not, there’s always the internet.”

Read the rest of this entry »

It’s official: Haute Couture, mainstream and independent fashion designers have taken BDSM, Fetish and Kink and integrated them into their design inspirations. It’s about time. So I guess I can carry a crop down the street now, after all - it’s an accessory.

- Callie

Taking heels to crazy new heights for Spring 2009, these dangerous designer shoes were enough to make models stumble and fall on the runways. Walking in designer shoes is a catwalk model’s forte, so what hope do humble fashionistas have maintaining their dignity in them?

Designers from Dolce & Gabbana to Dior and Pucci to Prada all got in on the daunting killer heel action this season. If you have fallen in love with a pair, and you are brave enough to step out in one of these precarious looking pieces of footwear, perhaps you should consider finding a way to incorporate knee pads into your outfit–just to be on the safe side.

Via: nymag

Want to read more?

• Killer High Heels
• Angry Heels

Okay, this was a very fun shoe and fashion article. I don’t think that the author realizes that she is providing high quality foot fetish video and pictures for viewers. But frugal, budget conscious foot lovers definitely don’t use this article to learn what shoes to buy their wives, at least not in the first place:

According to Trend Hunter: Victoria Beckham has killed her bunions without surgery. Need proof? Take a look at these fetish shoes Victoria Beckham was wearing. They are Christian Louboutin for Rodarte heels, and the closeup reveals the unsightly lumps from each side of her foot are gone.

And you know there is a video:

I still see bunions…but I also see some great fetish inspired shoes that I am dying to own.

It’s my prediction that Downloading Nancy will be one of the most powerful films of 2009 as as Nancy (Amy Brenneman) discovers that masochistic desire blurs the line between pleasure and pain.

The illustrious Inez Lewis played a photographic role in this movie.

When Albert Stockwell comes home from work one day he finds a note from his wife of 15 years, Nancy, saying she has gone to see friends. It is a lie.

After waiting several days, Albert realizes that his wife is missing. Nancy has met her salvation on the Internet in the form of Louis Farley. Louis’s life, like Nancy’s, has become a twisted quest for redemption via smutty chat rooms and alternative websites. Both wounded and alone, Nancy and Louis take comfort in one another through email, pictures and promises.

With Louis, Nancy goes to a different place, one of liberation and fulfillment. It’s a location where pain is pleasure and where the end is the beginning. While she pursues the freedom that she feels will only come with ultimate liberation, Albert is left to put the pieces together and try to salvage what is left.

• Facebook Group
• Studios
  

Blogging is a guilty pleasure.

Reading others’ blogs a form of voyeurism.

While in a voyeuristic mood over the weekend, I trasped over to The Coveted and found a post that tickled my fancy about 1940s Lace Up corsets. Oh Jeanine, these are divine.

I’ve been waiting a spell for this issue and it’s finally here !

In My Bed Magazine launched issue #4 today.  In it (pages 41-44) is my first public, candid article about one night stands and my perceptions of what they are and are not.

What I Believe: One nights stands have been quick and dirty experiences meant for instant gratification, they’ve always been love affairs that I cherish, carry with me and spend melancholy Sunday mornings reminiscing about the touch and caress of my lovers.

Visit In My Bed To Get The Full Article.

• Ever had a one-night stand?
• What do you remember about it?
• Was it a hot, steamy night spent with someone who was relatively a stranger?
• Did that romp appease the itch that needed to be scratched?
• Was it memorable or was it forgettable?

Also Be Sure To Check Out Emma Z’s, Where In The Night I Stand on p. 45.

Elle n‘est qu‘un nom.
Elle est celle que j‘aurai pu être.
Celle qui danse dans ma tête lorsqu‘à l‘exterieur rien ne bouge.
Elle est cette partie de moi qui crache les mots sur le papier, quand
je les chiffonne et les déchire.
Elle est une porte ouverte, ici et là au gré de mes envies.

Victorian Goth. Dark Couture. KinkGlam - whatever you want to call it, featuring Bondage & Fetish in mainstream fashion trends has moved beyond Vivien Westwood & Alexander McQueen.

I noticed this trend at the start of 2008; Chanel’s footwear and stocking ads in Vogue, W and Bazaar caught my attention. I thought to myself, “This is foot fetish that men pay for,” being brought to the mainstream masses for free in the glossy pages of haute couture magazines. So for 2009, more couture brands and upscale indie fashion designers are bringing Kink mainstream with bondage & fetish-inspired dresses, shoes and accessories.

I am elated to see it. I shows that mainstream society no longer equates BDSM with pornography and is finally recognizing Fetish as an art form that pays homage to alternative creativity and sexuality.

Fashionising.com, a fantastic blog written by Tania Baukamper, discusses the trend more in-depth and how it is translates in to 2009 trendsetters’  (Rihanna & Victoria Beckham) personal styles.

My next hope is that designers such as Chanel, Christian Louboutin, Givechy & Thakoon take it a step further and ditch the traditional runway models and feature of Fetish industry professionals in their advertising campaigns.

My suggestions: Model -  Kumi Monster Photographers - Steven Diet Goedde or Christine Kessler.

Photos: Kumi Monster in Atsuko Kudo & Fashionising.com.